my jigsaw puzzle life.

Monday, April 25, 2005

i'm dying soon. i can really feel it. don't worry valerie. i'm not donating blood! ((: but i think i am breaking down soon.

i think i'm slow. but i just realised that almost everyone hides their depression. hmm. and i used to wonder how they can stay so cheerful? i must have been stupidd to not been able to see through their "mask". argh. i believe i have a "mask" too. but for everyone else's sake, i will continue to put it on! ((: i will SMILE. haha. *ting! so bright!! hehe.

but i agree with valerie. i think that depression is addictive. its gotta be. i'm trying. real hard. to get out of this. but it isn't working. it's like.. you're just being pulled in. into this werld of sadness and all the freaky stuff. i won't hate myself anymore. at least i'll try not to. it isn't good for me. i wil take weisan's advice ((: sorry, i don't mean to be mean to myself. it's so freaky. it almost like it just comes naturally. at first i thought i must be stupidd and weird. but then i see valerie thinks this way too! kekex. don't worry. i won't do anything stupidd. no matter how depressed i am. i'll try not to. no. i WON'T ((:

these few days, i don't know where i've been. somewhere. in my own werld. haha. i won't say it's lalaland! - that place is overcrowded, with all the other peeps who are also daydreaming. i'm really in my own werld. ALONE. no. God's here with me. walking beside me all the way ((:

today was the day. arica went. i hope she doesn't come back that early. i want it to be delayed. sorry. i didn't give you any present. makes me feel bad. but i'm glad to hear you prefer it this way. i'm bad at expressing myself face to face. i prefer writing or typing. yepp.

~~i hope my mood sees better days. i think i'm sick of being this depressed. since when did i catch this disease? things were different before..~~

i used to be that happy innocent child;
now this?

all messed up;
3:31 PM