Saturday, September 10, 2005
today's outreach was good.
i'm glad arica came along.
guess it's good for her.
all i can say is that 'i will pray for her'.
but many a times this sentence just becomes something we say and not do.
the message the other sunday on this really impacted me.
i've been thinking -
am i serious about my faith?
it's a difficult question to answer.
especially with so many complications going on around me.
it's difficult to find a meaning in life.
for today's outreach, i think the person that best portrays me is grace.
what do i really want in life?
why the same old routine everyday?
after a while, life just gets boring and i'm drifiting around aimlessly like a lost soul.
i used to think my life had so much meaning.
but i guess not anymore.
there must be more to it.
so i guess the answer is really Jesus.
what then, stopped me from raising my hand? i knew it in the back of my mind.
i wanted to.
but i didn't.
and i regret.
maybe i'm just not ready.
to put myself into the shoes of jeremy:
so what if i've built up on so much in life?
so what if i'm a prefect, a monitress or a leader?
so what if i have a perfect life?
does that mean anything?
my life doesn't depend on all that.
life is so fragile;
so hollow;
so unpredictable.
just like those styrofoam cups,
falling and toppling with just a mere push.
why?
i wish God would just speak to me.
i want to have that personal relationship we speak so much of.
somehow i just don't feel it.
i feel fake. why do i go to Church when i'm not even sure about my faith?
and who am i to judge others? - athalie you know what i mean.
sigh,
it's all too much to take in for one day.
i hope it's not too late-
God,
i raise my hand NOW.
amen.
all messed up;
10:33 PM
